Moving on...

I haven't really posted much this summer, and what I have posted has been a little, well, depressing, to say the least. For the first few days after Jana passed away, I just didn't know how I was going to go on. I didn't know if I'd be able to be the person I've always been. Or how I'd be able to be that person. A major part of my life was gone. The one person I could reminisce with and laugh with, who shared a major portion of my life with...gone. Gone before I even had a chance to say good-bye.

How does a person get over that? Well, they don't. I don't think I'll ever "get over it" but I will "get on with it." Life, that is.

And I don't think I will ever be the person I was before. I actually think in a lot of ways, I will be a better person because of it, because of the way Jana lived. All the things I admire in Jana are the things I need to get through this.

First and foremost...faith. Jana was very proud to be a Christian, as am I, but she was never afraid to tell people about it, and that's something I hope to be able to do a little better. Without my faith, and the promise of heaven I don't know how I would be able to cope.

Secondly, a can-do attitude. Jana wasn't afraid to try anything. I've always been much more cautious. But believing in myself and knowing, with time, this pain will begin to heal is something I really need.

Third, a sense of humor. Jana was always laughing and her laughter was contagious. She was always cracking jokes (often at the expense of "your momma") and lived life to the fullest. Those first few days when I thought I couldn't do anything I just remember thinking that I had to, for Jana's sake. She wouldn't want me, or anyone, sitting around feeling sad, but rather laughing at the memories we shared with her. And I've done just that. I've continued to live and make new memories. Some of them have been hard...she should have been involved in making some of those memories, and it just wasn't the same without her. But for the rest of us here, life goes on, and we should enjoy it.

There were many other things I admired about Jana, but these are the top three that have helped me. The way Jana lived makes her death easier to deal with. No wondering where she is now, or what she'd want from us. I do miss her, but we've continued to enjoy our summer as a family, exactly like I know she'd want us to. Thank you Jana, for all these lessons you're teaching me. And thank you for living life as you did, you are missed and loved.